dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
