He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
