ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
