So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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