i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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