dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
