I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
