Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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