My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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