Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
