apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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