You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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