So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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