i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
