Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
