I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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