you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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