I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
