I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
