Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
