Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
