The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize