I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
