everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ttyl tear gas
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am available for nakedness
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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