I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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