Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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