Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
