so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
