I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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