so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
