life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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