does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Be still, my beating vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
