if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I love you.
Bad choice
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
