After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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