JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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