I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
