Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
