Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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