if you like me you must not know who I am
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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