Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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