Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
