The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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