He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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