Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize