her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
