I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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