Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
