So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
