Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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