I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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