What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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