Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
