Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
