'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
