I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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