Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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