got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize