you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
