I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
