now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
