Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
