So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
