Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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