she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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