You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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