You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh god it's open bar.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
