Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
